Guest post: Don't judge a burger by its cover

Well hello again. Long time no see. I know it has been a while since I guest posted for the lovely wife, but today there is this:

What is it? A hamburger? Well yes.....sort of. Even at the Goog, there are days when you just....get bored. I guess the same is true for the pastry chef, because today, she gave us this little gem.

What you see here is a dessert burger. A sweet roll as the bun, raspberry and simple syrup for ketchup, green coconut for lettuce, chocolate brownie for the patty, and whipped cream for the mayo. A sight to behold indeed. What could possibly go wrong with this concoction? Too much! Too much! Now as a disclaimer here, I am not a big "sweets" guy. No sugar in the coffee, no mixer in the whiskey, no chaser to the tequila. This thing was like stuffing a Care Bear into a My Little Pony, dipping them in Magic Shell, then rolling it in Pride Rainbow sprinkles. TOO SWEET. I had one bite just to say that I did.

But hey, at least it looked cool.

Other guest posts by The Husband:

Octopus Stew

Thumper

Bacon Pot Roast

Guest blogger alert!! The Husband is back!

Those of you that are regular readers of Pinot and Prose know that I periodically make a guest spot here.  And when I do, you can bet your bacon that the post is about food and not lit.  Speaking of bacon, as I often do, have I got a melt- in-your-mouth adventure to share.  Now I may not have a lot of friends, but I do have the right ones.  Who would that be?  Well…for starters, the Director of Food Services at the Goog.  Yeah, on the list of good people to know, he is near the top.  So here is my story:

As I walked into the café last Thursday around 1:00pm I was greeted by the smiling face of one Mr. K.  Now K always has this boyish look of delight when he has a little something special whipped up for his friends.  These dishes are never on the menu, and you can't ask for them at the grill.  These are the back room offerings that you only get by knowing the secret knock at the basement door.  So naturally, I was excited to see the smile. 

"What's cooking K?" I asked as the anticipation dripped off me like the green sweat in those Gatorade commercials.

"Feel like some bacon?" was the response.

Now this certainly makes humanity's all-time Stupidest Questions list, but I played along with his game of cat-and- mouse. 

"What do you have in mind?"

I wasn't ready for what he had in mind.  What he sent for was a work of culinary art.  The Mona Lisa of Bacon.  

"How about bacon pot roast?"

I of course responded that I would be into bacon dirt if he had it, and so he sent for the dish.

At this point I am not sure what you are thinking, but I was thinking pot roast wrapped in bacon or maybe pot roast stuffed with said bacon.  What I got was neither of these things.  What I got was this little piece of heaven (sorry for the quality as it is a cell phone picture and I was shaking with delight):

 

This, my friends, is an enormous piece of slab bacon, roasted for 6-ish hours in the oven and then topped with the most amazing sauce ever to bless a pork dish.  Those little bits you see floating around, yeah, that would be more bacon.  There was also a background quartet of garlic, shallots, onions, and spices that was something roughly equivalent to…sex.

K said something about the sauce base coming from boiling some pigs feet in a bath of white wine and….but at that point I had started eating and everything else sort of drifted away.  Each salty, smoky, fatty bite better than the last and I found all of my senses focused on this jewel before me.  The way I could smell a bit of campfire and butter, the way I could hear my teeth sliding through each creamy bite, even the way the little pools of fat floating on top seemed to spell out "I LOVE YOU TOO ADAM".

Given that this dish was about as rich as if Bill Gates and Warren Buffett got married, I was sharing with friends after about 6 bites.  It was at this point that they echoed my earlier sentiment, "I may not have a lot of friends, but I do have the right ones".

Yet ANOTHER reason I wish I worked for Google!

Guess who is the guest chef today. Just. Guess.

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Mario friggin Batali. How many ways can you say "not fair"? Ce n'est pas juste!

Eat, drink, and wish again that you worked for Google.

Laura: A Week in the Life

So here has been my week:

Monday: Children’s Book Week kick-off breakfast, hosted by the Children’s Book Council. It was held in a bank. Really. Then I ran around NYU, trying to get registered for a Food Studies class in the fall as a non-matriculated student (I failed). In the afternoon, a preview at Little, Brown. That night, my last French class of the semester. Voila! Le fin!

Tuesday: Work. Homework. Dinner. Watch “Dancing with the Stars.”

Wednesday: Work. Homework. Dinner. Bath. Call Mom.

Thursday: Preview at Random House in morning. Back to work by 1:00 for meeting. Leave work at 3:00 to go to Kew Gardens Hills to see program with Kirsten Miller (she’s awesome). Come home. Make dinner. Homework.

Friday: Career Day at the kiddo’s school where I try to make Queens Library sound cooler than Google (Adam is representin’, too – I’m gonna smoke him!). Work. Dinner. Week over.

It’s been one of those weeks. And here was my dinner menu this week:

Monday: Adam flew by the seat of his pants while I was at French class.

Tuesday: Orecchiette with Sausage and Broccoli Rabe (thanks, Giada)

Wednesday: Grilled Shrimp and Spinach Salad with Honey Vinaigrette (courtesy of Cooking Light - some of the best-flavored shrimp I've had to date)

Thursday: Penne with Vodka Sauce (thanks again, Giada…I hadn’t cooked Giada in ages so I thought I’d revisit some of my old faves from when I was just starting to cook)

Friday: Friday is the one night a week we eat in front of the TV, and we uncreatively call it “TV Dinner Night” and it’s sort of become a family ritual. Not to mention that it’s become a fun challenge to design a dinner that can be eaten picnic-style in front of the TV. So this Friday, it’s nachos.

Stick a fork in me. I’m so done with this week.

Eat, drink, and rejoice in Friday

What is it with Jacques Torres and Google?

Remember I told you all that Jacques Torres came to visit Google? Well, this box of Jacques Torres chocolates you see is the thank you that Adam's co-workers gave him for being so funny and sarcastic and awesome.* There really is no justice. I'm shaping our nation's children and I get $2 tickets to the Mets and the chance to mooch off publishers at ALA conferences.**

I really need to think about a change in profession.

Eat, drink, and picket the union for better swag


* It should be noted that I took a bite out of every one of these chocolates. Yeah, I'm one of those people. Adam scolded me until I pointed out that he certainly wasn't going to eat these (he's a cheesecake/tiramisu kind of guy). He admitted I was right and let me keep nibbling. Anyone else a chocolate nibbler?

** I speak in jest, dear publishers who read this. I assure you that I'm sometimes embarrassed by the scavenger-esque behavior of my fellow librarians at the conferences. That said, I do enormously appreciate the wine, without which socializing at those things would be so thoroughly unpleasant.

The One Where I Wish I Worked for Google

So I may have mentioned this before - I'm not sure if I have - but Adam works for Google. I don't know if I should share that, and I'll have to check with him later - this post may disappear later today. Nevertheless, I'm telling you all now. And you may have heard about the free, amazing food that Google prepares for their employees each day. All the rumors you've heard? Totally true. The other day Adam ate lobster stuffed steak wrapped in bacon and grilled. Can you believe it?!?! And it's all organic, mostly local food...while I'm stuck with my CAFO-ham and grilled, perfectly-square-orange-cheese sandwich in the cafeteria at Queens Library (never fear, dear readers, I bring my own food to work).

So add Google's stellar food to the fact that they're across the street from Food Network headquarters, and you can imagine that they're going to get some major players stepping into Google's kitchen. Unfortunately for me, Adam is horrible with names and can never remember a single chef's name. Morimoto was there, I know that.

Then, the other day, guess who did a lecture for Google employees:


The great Jacques Torres!

Now you all know I don't really like baking, and I don't even indulge in dessert very often. But I still recognize greatness when I see it. Adam and I used to watch his show a couple years ago and giggle over his fabulous accent declaring that "even zee gelatin mold ees edible!" And Adam stood right next to him in line for food. Adam said he was quick to laugh and very nice; apparently he made fun of his own accent and the way French people talked. I loves me a self-deprecating man who can cook!

I just wonder why the husband got so lucky to work in such a fabulous office and I have to see mauve-colored tomatoes in plastic tubs and smell people's tater tots every day at my workplace. Where's the justice?!